Happy Happy New Year, Friends! We are so thankful for each of you! Your support and encouragement in 2018 meant more to us than words could ever express. Thank you for loving us and praying for us as we continue to navigate through this hard, yet amazing journey. We believe, in faith, that the best is yet to come – our story is just beginning. “All Glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20)
May 2019 be a year of new beginnings, full of hope and possibility. Don’t forget to laugh until you cry, look for the goodness that’s all around, take chances without fear, love people well, cherish moments, not things, learn something new, listen more than you speak, and grow to be more like Jesus each and every day.
The Power of One Word
Instead of choosing a New Year’s Resolution, the past couple years I’ve chosen a word – a word to live and pray during the year. Choosing a word is more than a goal… it’s a focus, a commitment, a motto for the year.
And over the past couple years, I have found that there truly is power in committing to focusing on one word. God has really shown up in my ‘one word’ the past several years. Let me explain…
In the beginning of 2016, for the first time I was challenged to choose a word instead of making resolutions for the new year. I chose the word – delight. This word was printed on colored paper and hung in my classroom so I could see it and be reminded of it daily. However, let’s be honest… I chose the word delight out of selfishness. But God knew that. You see I selfishly chose delight for one very specific reason – a baby. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.” Okay, easy enough. I will delight myself in the Lord, whatever that means, and He will give me a baby. Right?! Fast forward three years later, I look back on that time as the beginning of a change of heart. God was getting my heart ready for something beautiful.
“This verse does not give us a way to manipulate God; nor does it mean that, if we obey, He will reward us with whatever treat we crave. Rather, it means that, when we delight ourselves in God, then we will find everything we want and need in Him. The key here is that the heart of the seeker is changed—when we delight in the Lord, God’s desires begin to become our own. When our desires match God’s, then our prayers are automatically aligned with His will.”
I couldn’t see it at the time, but I believe 2016 was the year God was readying my heart. It wasn’t easy. In the middle of it all, I couldn’t see any good. By this point, we had wanted a baby for a couple years, so when 2016 was full of month after month of disappointment, it just made the pain that much worse. Life wasn’t turning out how we wanted or expected. I remember lots of tears, lots of bitterness, lots of questioning, lots of cries. But I think He had to break me down in order to fulfill what He was about to do in me. I’m reading It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa TerKeurst (highly recommended – you will be blessed), and she explains it so well – 2016 was the year I turned to dust, that’s right, dust.
“…dust [is required] for God to make the new He desperately desires for me. And isn’t that what all His promises hinge on? Old becoming new. Dead things coming to life. Good from evil. Darkness turning to light. If I want His promises, I have to trust His process. I have to trust that first comes the dust, and then comes the making of something even better with us. God isn’t ever going to forsake you, but He will go to great lengths to remake you. What if disappointment is really the exact appointment your soul needs to radically encounter God?”
-Lysa TerKeurst in It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way
When 2017 rolled around I was a little deflated (okay, maybe a lot deflated). I was the very definition of dust – “fine, dry powder consisting of tiny particles of earth or waste matter lying on the ground or on surfaces or carried in the air.” At this point Justin and I had been trying to have a baby for several years. We had both been seen by our doctors and besides my probable-but-will-never-be-able-to-be-completely-confirmed-because-of-my-pre-diagnosed-allergies-to-wheat diagnosis of celiac disease – an autoimmune disorder – everything was pointing to unexplained infertility. Justin checked out fine and my doctors said, “It’s not impossible! You’ll have a baby!” Thanks, but that didn’t make me feel any better. I had prayed, I had begged, I had cried out to God for the blessing of a baby. Like I know now, I was dust.
But God spoke my new word to me while listening to a sermon – behold.
I learned that when behold is used in the Bible, it means to pay attention because something great, significant, and important is about to happen.
“In the King James Version of the Bible, “behold” is used as the translation of the Hebrew word hinneh in the Old Testament and the Greek word idou in the New Testament. No single word in English adequately conveys the shade of meaning these words communicate, which might be defined as ‘Pay careful attention to what is to follow; it is very important!'”
Some example passages of the word “behold” being used:
“Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.” -Isaiah 7:14
“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” -Luke 2:10-11
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” -Revelation 3:20
So, in 2017 I chose to live and pray the word behold because I was believing, in faith, that something good… no, something great was about to happen. I was trusting that God would give us the desires of our hearts. He would let us know what to do next. And we just knew a baby was right around the corner.
But in the beginning months of 2017, there was no way I could have fathomed the great that was about to happen.
And Behold…
He did do a new thing. From the dust, His plan sprang forth – the plan that was the plan all along.
You see, I had to delight in Him before He could do anything – I had to align my thoughts with His thoughts. “Your prayers are not accidental, after all. If you are walking in step with the Spirit, he intercedes for you, to bring your prayers into conformity with God’s will for your Christ conformity (Rom. 8:26)” (Russell Moore in Adopted for Life). He had to turn me into pieces, into dust, before He could mold me and prepare me for His calling.
I hope I never forget the moment I knew – the moment I knew God was calling us to adopt. I will now call it my “BEHOLD” moment! I was in the car. I was talking with God and I finally just asked (okay, it was more like a cry from my heart), out loud, the question I think I had been wondering if I should ask for quite a while; I hadn’t had the courage (not because I didn’t want to know the answer, but because I knew this road would be less traveled, bumpy, and unknown). “Are we supposed to adopt?!” And I can’t explain it, but I felt a peace come over me. A peace that I knew had to be the answer to my question… “Yes.”
2017 was one of our biggest years yet! It will forever be the year we began the greatest, yet hardest journey of our lives so far – our journey to adopt Baby Bullock. And since that very first day, our leap of faith, God has continually made a way.
The Power of *Hope*
In 2018, our adoption journey was well underway. On January 4, 2018, exactly one year ago today, we began the new year with the exciting news of officially being a “Waiting Family!” I chose a new word to live and pray…
(Read New Year… New Hope Blog Post Here)
*Hope* grew everywhere we looked in 2018. And when we thought we might be loosing hope, God sent a reminder as if to say, “You have not been forgotten. I will finish what I have started.”
In 2018, God sent people, so many people, to encourage us and give us hope. He sent people to bless us financially at specifically important moments. He blessed us with two adoption grants. He showed off with the number 1,000… twice! (First time: Justin and I had 975 eggs spoken for during our Egg My Yard fundraiser and we said it would have been nice to make it to 1,000 eggs… a few hours later and a last minute order… final count: 1,050 eggs; Second time: Before our yard sale Justin and I both, jokingly, said it would be amazing if we could raise $1,000, but who makes that kind of money during a yard sale… end of the day final amount: $1000.05.) He sent strangers into our lives to remind us of the goodness of people and to keep going. He sent us anonymous mail in our mailbox with donations for puzzle pieces – thank you whoever you are! We met a lot of people who’ve been adopted or who have adopted, and they encouraged us and gave us hope. He spoke fundraising ideas into the hearts of friends, coworkers, and neighbors, who in return blessed us with more than just collecting donations, but collecting hope for our hearts. We saw the adoption sign in random places (tattoos on people’s bodies, in books, on anonymous mail, etc.) and we saw Peter Pan everywhere. (Click here to read more about all that God did in 2018!)
And God wrapped up 2018 with a couple of what I like to call – God wink’s – just a little *hope* to keep ya goin’:
- Flipping up your Thomas Kinkade 2018 calendar to a new month and it being a Peter Pan scene – God wink.
- Going to the store and seeing a new 2019 planner, and the front cover is that same Peter Pan scene by Thomas Kinkade – God wink.
- And the biggest God wink of all… Opening up what should be your box of Christmas cards to find someone else’s Christmas cards inside. Putting their Christmas card on your fridge, to make you laugh. And then a couple days later you find out that there’s NO way it was a coincidence – that of all the people in the entire world – your family’s cards would be switched with THIS family. With a family who has also been struggling to have a baby for many years. With a family who lives in the same town where Justin grew up. With a family who is a kindergarten teacher, just like you. With a family who also put your Christmas card on their fridge because they felt God nudging them to pray for you. With a family who has in the last couple weeks become a huge encouragement and a source of hope. With a family who have now become friends, who you commit to pray for and think of often. With a family who’s word for 2018 was also, hope. And instead of laughing when you see their Christmas card on the fridge, you stop and pray and thank God for loving you so much to send little bits of hope. And speaking of little bits of hope, my new friend began a ministry called Little Bits of Hope, where she hand letters encouragement – it’s beautiful, go check out her work! I have no idea why God chose to bring our families together in this way, but I know it’s not just a coincidence – God wink. It’s proof that…
26-28 “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”
Romans 8:28 The Message (MSG)
In 2018, God proclaimed, “I have not forgotten you!!”
New Year, New Word
Now it’s a new year – 2019 is here. I’ve been praying for a new word and I keep coming back to – trust. The verse that I continually prayed last year was Romans 15:13:
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
And I think I will continue to pray this verse in 2019. Last year I focused on hope, but this year I’m choosing to focus on trust. God IS a God of hope (He surely revealed that to us time and time again), and this year I’m putting all my trust in Him.
I know surrendering trust isn’t always easy. Hope is easier. Biblical hope is expectant, it’s confidence that things will happen. I can see hope! I saw hope this year! Although undeserving, I was given hope this year, again and again. But trust is harder.
According to the dictionary, trust is “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” Whoa! But I want to be in control! I want to have the power to make things happen. I know what’s right and what will be good for me. Don’t we all think we could do a better job on our own sometimes? But trust is the opposite of all this.
Trusting in God means that I give up all control – I place all confidence, belief, reliability, truth, ability and strength IN God, and IN Him alone.
I’m choosing to *TRUST!*
- I choose to trust His perfect timing. “God loves me too much to answer my prayers at any other time than the right time and in any other way than the right way.” (-Lysa Terkeurst in It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way)
- I choose to trust His purpose for allowing certain things to happen, or not happen, the way He allows them to happen, or not happen.
- I choose to trust His plan. He sees the big picture, the whole picture. He sees yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
- I choose to continue to trust that we are obeying God’s calling.
- I choose to trust in dreams.
- I choose to trust that He will continue to provide – whatever is needed, when it’s needed, and how it’s needed.
- I choose to trust in the HOPE I see, feel, and hear, but also in the hope that is unseen.
- And I choose to trust in this TRUTH…
We are excited to meet you, Baby Bullock! BEHOLD – good news is around the corner! With HOPE – in confidence that it will happen – we TRUST – in God’s ability – that we will meet you soon!
I encourage you to reflect, pray about, and choose a word for 2019. Speak your word. Live your word. Pray your word. And be ready to see, actually see, how God uses your word for good, for change, for power.
Love & Blessings in 2019,
Kristen & Justin
Prayerfully consider becoming a part of our story – a piece of the puzzle. There are only 129 pieces left to be sponsored! Click here to read about how you can sponsor a piece and help us get one step closer to bringing home Baby Bullock!
You Are Our Happy Thought 